Långgodsbitchen

På alla arbetsplatser finns det nog någon du inte kan stå ut med men på min arbetsplats finns det någon som nästan INGEN kan stå ut med. Långgodsbitchen är det kaxigaste, elakaste och envisaste stycket kvinna jag kan tänka mig. När inälvor skälver och hjärnor kokar av ilska på långgods är det skönt tala ut och snacka skit bakom ryggen på henne. Vi har funnit ett sätt vi oupptäckt kan få ur oss vår avsky mitt framför hennes ögon och öron och omvandla avskyn till något mycket njutbart utan att hon märker det. Som 20-åring tycks hon vara relativt okunnig inom datorer så vi tog till vara på detta för att metaforiskt och krypterat ge tillbaka på henne i form av en slags rättfärdig mobbning: Att tala i termer av Datorkunskap.

Långgodsbitchen är som ett jävla datorvirus! Skoningslöst angriper det din dator. Du behöver inte ens öppna det smittade mailet för att Viruset ska lyckas smita förbi brandväggen. Oavsett om du har ett normalbra eller mycket bra “anti-Virus” program så kommer Viruset förr eller senare att bräcka det. Likt en trojansk häst vandrar det från hårddisk till hårddisk och jävlas med fler och fler. 

Nyanställda råkar alltid illa ut när de kommer i kontakt med Viruset, och en efter en blir de hennes “little-bitch”. När Viruset angriper för första gången blir CPU:n överhettad och en för stor mängd processer börjar alkolera datorns RAM. Påföljden blir att datorn går i låsningsläge, sk blåskärm. Med andra ord, du står där som ett jävla fån och vet inte vad du ska reagera på långgodsbitchens oväntade attack. Förbannad går du därifrån och funderar över hur i helvete man ska bearbeta problemet. Ju fler datorer viruset smittar desto mäktigare blir det.

I heta krypterade diskussioner på långgods har man konstaterat att det finns olika metoder att tillgå för att bekämpa viruset. De flesta är tyvärr ganska inneffektiva. Man kan försöka konfrontera viruset genom att men då är risken stor att viruset växer sig ännu större med tiden och får högre frekvens utbrott per vecka. Ett annat sätt är att försöka ignorera viruset, ta ett djupt andetag och fortsätta arbeta som vanligt. Då gäller det att man har ett utomordentligt bra kylnings anordning i datorn så att man inte kokar över.

Efter att  viruset hamnat i karantän(gått på semester) i en vecka, hade stämningen på långgods tämligen höjts och alla hade genomgått en välbehövd ordentlig systemåterställning och uppdaterat diverse brandväggar. Hoppet fanns där att viruset skulle känna av detta och inse att det inte är lönt att försöka angripa igen, men efter ett par dagar insåg vi alla att det bara vuxit och blivit jobbigare. Det värsta av allt är att våran chef hanterar Viruset sämst av alla och fungerar som Virusets marionettdocka. Orättvisa skapas i arbetsfördelningen och Långgodsbitchen börjar delegera ut arbetsuppgifter som att det vore hennes uppgift. Själv gör hon knappt ingenting, dock har hon samma lön som oss som sliter. Närmste chefen gör inget åt saken

fler och fler felrapporter strömmar in till Bill Gates och de högre cheferna. Dock tycks Posten likt Microsoft som vanligt inte göra någonting åt problemen. Men detta beror på att Långgodsbitchen har “kompisar” bland ledarna inom företaget och fjäskar för dessa eller att de helt enkelt inte vågar ta konflikter med henne.

Förövrigt så är hela arbetsplatsen ibland ett High Chaparall eller ett Kindergarden XL.. En diktatur med en tydlig Hierarki där man slickar uppåt och sparkar neråt. Vissa dagar är hur roliga som helst, vissa är tråkiga, larviga eller hur elaka som helst. Ibland känns Posten bara som en grå sörja som ger en nödvändig inkomst men det finns trots allt en viss laganda bland en del av oss som är i stil med; alla sitter vi i skiten men vi sitter där tillsammans.

Theatre School Audition

Hello! I am sitting on a bus with Amy on our way to Stockholm. Our friend Emelie is also with us. It’s a 4 hour ride so we try to get time to roll by fast, Amy has fallen asleep on my shoulder and I’m entertaining myself writing this post, listening to music and watching some Family Guy episodes. It’s amazing what you can do with an Iphone

Once we get there we are going out for some shopping and a lunch break. In the evening me and Amy are going to have dinner at my Uncle Henkes’ girlfriend Lotta. We’ll stay the night and the weekend at Henkes place. I really look forward to it.

Tomorrow Amy’s going to attend a theater audition at scenskolan, which is one of swedens best acting schools. Emelie is also here in this purpose. The audition involves 3 monolouge texts to which she has created acts and rehearsed for the past weeks. Hopefully, if she passes this test there will be two more tests to come. There are roughly a thousand applyers and just a few will be selected to join the school. Good luck Amy

American Election (updated)

(7/11) – yes, Obama has won the presidential election! What a relief, but it’s not over yet. It will be very interesting to see how he’ll suceed keeping his promises to the people of the US. The promises he made about healthcare for instance. As I’ve heard, it will probably be hard to use the states founds to provide people better healthcare in the middle of the economic crysis the bush administration created when attacking Iraq.

Although he has some “cleanup” to do I think Mr Obama is going to do alright. There will probably be more talking instead of bombing, still I don’t think he’d hesitate to defend the country if it is necessary. Go do your job Obama!

Tonight, between 00-06 Swedish time, the american election is to be settled! I hope with all my heart that the doves will prevail and that Obama will be the last man standing. I can’t stand the thought of having another republican at the highest post over there for 4 years.

GO OBAMA! GO OBAMA!

DID YOU KNOW..?

 

The world’s 225 richest people now have a combined wealth of $1 trillion. That’s equal to the combined annual income of the world’s 2.5 billion poorest people.

Just the thought of it makes me mad. How can the world square this out?

The Grand Prize

They threw us in the ocean with no land in sight.  
We all fought for life out there. Luckily I was a good swimmer…

 

Later, I was to be told that my chances had been absolute minimal, close to non-existing. That it had been the battle of my life. About twenty years ago, on a beautiful August evening I was awarded a prize for fighting so bravely and with such endurance that day out in the big ocean. Now when I look back at it, I remember the feeling of that moment in which I was being given this grand prize, very clearly. It is hard to describe but it kind of made me feel like a man.

However, just as I had got out of the water and reached land I started to explore this odd island a bit. To my disappointment I found out that it was a deserted one. I sat down without knowing what to do next and just then, in that exact moment, the strangest thing happened to me. It felt supposedly like being hit by thunder. The feeling was astonishing and adrenaline pumping. I remember a white light flashing before my eyes, and for a second, it felt like my body was imbued with life. 

Next thing I knew I woke up, realizing I must have blacked out. I tried several times but to my absolute terror I just could not open my eyes. I started screaming. The whole night I just lay there screaming my guts out not knowing what else to do. After terror came exhaustion and I slept completely unknowingly of the fact that this was the day, that beautiful August evening, that I had collected my grand prize. The day I started to walk the stairway we call life.

2008-10-13

 

We have already fought the war. We competed millions of others and we all stumbled out as winners. Being given the most precious gift of them all, we shall not misuse it. Lets stop fighting each other and let us all just be winners. We just don’t realize how lucky we are to be alive. 

Thanks for reading! /Sam

Sam goes Shred

 

I wanted to try adding video clips to my blog and I found these clips of me doing some guitar shred on my 6-stringed Ibanez. They are not very tasty licks but they’re quite fast. The first one is something I came up with while playing and the second one is a tapping passage from Eddy Van Halen’s Eruption. Unfortunately my old webcam has a very slow fps-rate but at least the sound is okay. Hope you enjoy it

 

 

How to: Make the Ultimate Breakfast

 

In times of war or in the middle of a long economic recession..
When you realize that you have burned all your money on yesterdays night out..
When you wake up hungry in the morning with not much left in the refrigerator..
In times where you don’t know when you will be able to eat next time.. 

..The perfect solution is Porridge, The cornerstone of every nutritious breakfast. This is How to: Make the Ultimate Breakfast!

 

It’s quick, it’s cheap and it has an unbeatable saturation level. It is used traditionally in many cultures as a food to nurse the sick back to health. And with a little pat of jam or apple sauce on top it gets really tasty! Here is how to make the ultimate breakfast, step-by-step.

 

Very basic tools and ingredients are needed for the porridge making..

Ingredients:
Quite simply just Oat and water.

Tools:
A bowl,
a spoon,
salt,
1 dl measuring cup,
a microwave.

 

Step 1. Starting off with measuring 1 dl of oat. Pour the content into the bowl.

 

Step 2. Scope 1 dl water over the oat.

 

Step 3. Add a second scope of water.

 

Step 4. Add a pinch of salt.

 

Step 5. Stir

 

Step 6. Put the bowl in the microwave. Set the timer for 2 minutes.

 

Step 7. Carefully take the hot bowl out of the microwave and add a pat of apple sauce (alt. strawberry jam/raspberry jam). My grandma provides me with unlimited amounts of homemade apple sauce so that is my choice by a matter of course.

 

Step 8. Pour cold milk over the porridge. 

 

Eat with contempt! You won’t be hungry for many hours

How to: Bake a Cake

My first “How to:” guide.
This is How to: Bake a Cake! 
 
Simply follow the instructions and *SAMSALABIM* there is your cake!

For Samsalabim’s delicate banana and chocolate gâteau you’ll need the following ingredients:

1x Sponge-Cake (in three layers)
1x 5 dl Custard 
1x 3,5 dl Cream
1x Bag of Daim toffees
2x Chocolate rolls 
3x Bananas 

 

Step 1. Peel the Bananas

 

Step 2. Squash the bananas!

 

Step 3. Spread a nice layer of banana mash on the bottom piece. Tip off a little extra on the centre to avoid that the cake gets flat in the end. 

 

Step 4. Time to whip some cream!

 

Step 5. Spread the cream over the mashed bananas. Once again a little more stuffing in the centre.

 

Step 6. Put on the second layer of sponge cake and spread custard all over it.

 

Step 7. Get the last layer of sponge cake on there! My cake looks a bit tilted, try to avoid that  

 

Step 8. Now its time for some precision work. Try to get the cream spread out smoothly over the top piece and round the sides. This is probably the hardest part. I corrected the cake slightly after the photo was taken.

 

Step 9. Spread whatever decoration you prefer over your cake and Voilá, un gâteau très savoureux.

 

Step 10. Bring your cake to the celebration event!
You will likely be tempted to eat your precious cake all by yourself, but if you make it to the party with an intact cake you will probably get more pleasure out of seeing others happy faces Cheers!
/Sam

 

Amy’s Birthday

How to?

Good evening ladies and brothers. I got a splendid idea earlier this day while I was out for a shopping route. 

I have thoughts of making “How to:” posts on my Samsalabim blog. As you might know, a “how to:” is a guide that gives instructions on a specific subject. You could for instance make a “how to: juggle” guide. So if I decided to bake a cake, I could shoot a few pictures of the baking process, write instructions and maybe evaluate it. Later, share it all on my blog!

This way I’d learn a bunch of stuff myself, I see it like an opportunity to skill up various areas. and I could also teach some things that I’m good at and might be useful for somebody out there. What about “How to: ride a skateboard” or “How to: Play the guitar” or “How to: make Samsalabim’s special BBQ sauce”. Could this be interesting for you to read about? Please give me some response. Maybe you can tip on what “How to” guides you would like to see on my page
 

By the way it really feels that the autumn has hit Sweden. I’m starting to freeze everywhere I go. Chill out! /Sam

Working nine to five, the rest of your life

Workin’ nine to five, what a way to make a living
Barely gettin’ by it’s all takin’ and no givin’
They just use your mind and they never give you credit
It’s enough to drive you crazy if you let it
Nine to five, for service and devotion
You would think that I would deserve a fair promotion
Want to move ahead but the boss won’t seem to let me
I swear sometimes that man is out to get me.
Dolly Parton

All day, five days of the week for the rest of your life. Thats how long you’re bound to work to live and keep consuming. I’ve realized that what you do or what you are going to do for a living is one quite huge matter. Myself I’m a workman. Every time I go to work, I work my ass off for a relative small sum. It’s like in the world of ants. At my “anthill” there are no career-ladders to be climbed and the salary is independent of how good I am at what I’m doing. Frankly, I don’t even like what I do! Just pulling splinters for the top of the hierarchy. Crap, that ant-theory just failed as I realized that ants are communists.

However, my work isn’t exactly top of the league. It takes its toll upon body and mind. Lifting of heavy packages causes *eer lets stretch out and feel it…* shoulder, back, neck and some wrists pain. And I always risk getting fingers and my body pinned between cages, but don’t worry bout that, it doesn’t really get to me since my lovely Amy bites and pinches me every day. As it is today, I would definitely say I work for the living and not the other way around, live for the job. But I really hope that one day I find happiness and inspiration when its time to get to work.

Another charming downside with my job at Posten is that it is very monotone. There are no opportunities for intellectual stimulation so you have to try to maintain some sharpness over free time. I have been so desperate that I’ve downloaded an Iphone application called “Brain Tuner”, so I wont find myself brain-dead sooner than necessary. In this monotone environment the Ipod becomes an instrument of survivability and being without it is like a deaf man going to a mozart concert or watching a female beach volleyball game with the competitors dressed up like eskimos. Yeah, okay that might be fun, but only for a couple of minutes.

I do have dream of getting “out of here”. - ha ha that might come out a bit more grave than it was meant to. This post has almost made it sound like my pitiful existence is completely unbearable. Its not like that all, I’m a very happy person as it is. but I think that my future life might belong somewhere else. I need to save money for the future but I’m a bit worried about myself, thus if I am for example really hungry for a steak at any time, it doesn’t matter how much the stake is, I’ll buy it. I guess I’m not much of a saver, really. I’ve only just started my working life, had a few salaries, and they seem to just be enough to go round.

I mean, what do you do? Only You can decide what paths you’re taking. In the end its only about the decisions that you’ve made and chances that you have chosen to take. But its so hard to know what doors to open among thousands that looks the same. And who dares to travel without knowing the destiny.

Now, its time for me to go and bite the dust again at Posten. Thanks for reading! /Sam